You're Going To Lose That Girl
Okay. We’ve all heard of the Guy Code, an unwritten set of rules that exists among males. Rules such as:
Never go after a close friend’s sister.
Never go after a close friend’s ex.
Always make fun of a friend’s current relationship.
Never go after a guy’s girl.
So I decided to do a little series on the guy code where I will elaborate on and mostly give exceptions to some of the rules.
First…
NEVER GO AFTER A GUY’S GIRL
This seems like an obvious one. I mean it’s just not cool to do this for a few reasons. One being you wouldn’t really like it if some bloke was going after your girl. Also, for your sake, it’s not really good to go after a girl who is in a relationship. It’s sort of a matter of integrity. Plus, even if you succeed, healthy relationships rarely spawn from these situations. Anyway on to what I really want to talk about…
The Exceptions
This has the potential to be really long, or not. I’ll break it up into different possible situations.
Married – NEVER!!!!! Even if there’s this incredible thing going on between you and a chick you CANNOT ever go after someone who is married. If the guy is an absolute ass who beats her you help her to get the fuck out of that but you do not make a move on her. No exceptions.
Engaged – If you know that she’s getting into this marriage for all the wrong reasons, and that there is this obvious no-doubt-about-it thing going on between you two it MIGHT be okay to go for it.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend – Ah my favorite. If you’re a high school guy and you’re reading this, the answer is this rule of the guy code does not exist for you. Go ahead and go after any of the girls you know who have a boyfriend. Just be prepared for possible fisticuffs. If you’re a little older you have to take a few things into consideration. If a guy and a girl just recently hook up and are still trying to figure out if they really are cool together then back off. If they have been in a long relationship where they are pretty much almost engaged then all the “engaged” rules apply. If they’ve been together for a while but things seem to be going nowhere, it might be pretty safe. Now, if they have been together since high school you have something to think about. Here’s an excerpt of something I wrote a few months ago that kind of explains my thinking: I am speaking very generally and I know there are exceptions, but I've gone through the numbers a million times in my head and the results are conclusive; Girls my age should not be bogged down in long term relationships. The thing is, in your early twenties you are just getting to figure yourself out, and if you are in a long term relationship that means you were dating this person when you were a teenager who had no clue who in the world you were. The real problem is, with women especially, it's hard to break free from these relationships. There's this comfort zone that has been built that is just difficult to break away from. And here's another theory of mine that you shouldn't be comfortable; you should be PASSIONATE. So I think if a girl is in a relationship with some dude she’s been with since she was 17, I wouldn’t totally hold it against you if you felt justified to go after her. Just be ready for a lot of complications, which can be good especially for this girl who could probably use a bit of complications to finally get something stirring in her.
Anyway, I think I’m done here, but I sort of feel like I haven’t explained enough. We’ll see.
Never go after a close friend’s sister.
Never go after a close friend’s ex.
Always make fun of a friend’s current relationship.
Never go after a guy’s girl.
So I decided to do a little series on the guy code where I will elaborate on and mostly give exceptions to some of the rules.
First…
NEVER GO AFTER A GUY’S GIRL
This seems like an obvious one. I mean it’s just not cool to do this for a few reasons. One being you wouldn’t really like it if some bloke was going after your girl. Also, for your sake, it’s not really good to go after a girl who is in a relationship. It’s sort of a matter of integrity. Plus, even if you succeed, healthy relationships rarely spawn from these situations. Anyway on to what I really want to talk about…
The Exceptions
This has the potential to be really long, or not. I’ll break it up into different possible situations.
Married – NEVER!!!!! Even if there’s this incredible thing going on between you and a chick you CANNOT ever go after someone who is married. If the guy is an absolute ass who beats her you help her to get the fuck out of that but you do not make a move on her. No exceptions.
Engaged – If you know that she’s getting into this marriage for all the wrong reasons, and that there is this obvious no-doubt-about-it thing going on between you two it MIGHT be okay to go for it.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend – Ah my favorite. If you’re a high school guy and you’re reading this, the answer is this rule of the guy code does not exist for you. Go ahead and go after any of the girls you know who have a boyfriend. Just be prepared for possible fisticuffs. If you’re a little older you have to take a few things into consideration. If a guy and a girl just recently hook up and are still trying to figure out if they really are cool together then back off. If they have been in a long relationship where they are pretty much almost engaged then all the “engaged” rules apply. If they’ve been together for a while but things seem to be going nowhere, it might be pretty safe. Now, if they have been together since high school you have something to think about. Here’s an excerpt of something I wrote a few months ago that kind of explains my thinking: I am speaking very generally and I know there are exceptions, but I've gone through the numbers a million times in my head and the results are conclusive; Girls my age should not be bogged down in long term relationships. The thing is, in your early twenties you are just getting to figure yourself out, and if you are in a long term relationship that means you were dating this person when you were a teenager who had no clue who in the world you were. The real problem is, with women especially, it's hard to break free from these relationships. There's this comfort zone that has been built that is just difficult to break away from. And here's another theory of mine that you shouldn't be comfortable; you should be PASSIONATE. So I think if a girl is in a relationship with some dude she’s been with since she was 17, I wouldn’t totally hold it against you if you felt justified to go after her. Just be ready for a lot of complications, which can be good especially for this girl who could probably use a bit of complications to finally get something stirring in her.
Anyway, I think I’m done here, but I sort of feel like I haven’t explained enough. We’ll see.
posted by Angelo at 11/13/2005 11:19:00 PM
4 Comments:
I totally agree on the whole girls not in long-term relationships. I am 22 and have already been through 2 of them...SO HARD to let go of, and such a waste of time. I still haven't lived life really yet, so I decided to wait for the serious thing till I have figured a few things out. Good post.
What about lesbians? Does that count as a real relationship or are they free to be taken whenever?
hahaha
There's so many ways anonymous #1's comment is so fantastically funny to me...
but seriously Anony1 (from now on all anonymous people will be called Anony), I'm glad you decided to wait till you have figured a few things out. By the way, don't EVER let anybody get in the way of figuring things out. Not even your folks. Not even the coolest person ever who for a brief period of time lost the cool. Especially not some fuck up. Wait I think I wrote about the whole figuring things out before. I'll be back.
In my essay on Garden State...
A lot of people were not very happy with the ending of the film. They thought it was too cheesy and typical. It is cheesy. It can't help but be cheesy, but I think the story had to end that way. The thing is from beginning to end we see Largeman go from numb pill popping nobody to somebody who is going through the motions of, well at the risk of adding more cheese, finding himself. Had he stayed on that plane there would have been no change there at all. It would have been the same old Largeman numb to the love that wanted him to go get the girl. Feeling real emotions was different for him and acting on them was just beyond him completely. We all have to go through that situation at least once in our lives. Do we stay on the plane, or do we get off and take the risk going for what our hearts want? I hope most of us get off the plane. This brings up another point, something that smacked me in the face the first time I saw the movie, especially considering what I was going through at the time. There is NO excuse for walking away from someone you truly want and love. "Finding yourself," and "figuring things out" is such bullshit. If that person is in front of you, that's one less huge thing to figure out, don't let it go. At least now you have someone to figure things out with, or support you while you are. "Finding yourself"Well if you're still finding yourself chances are you haven't really fallen in love. You may have come close, probably as close as you have to finding yourself, but you haven't gone all the way. How could you? You don't even know who you are to know who you love. In other words, if you really truly love someone take a step back and look at yourself, without even considering the other person, you are found. On a personal note, being someone who is in the middle of figuring things out (I had recently found myself) I am glad that there happens to be nobody in the picture, because I am damn busy, but if someone does come along and manages to penetrate this shield I have built around me I would not pass. So in the words of somebody I don't really like all that much, "Bring it!"
Oh, and do me a favor, humans. Get off the plane.
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