They Say California Is A Recipe For A Blackhole

Recently someone had said something to me that made me realize something I had sort of suspected for a while now. I’ve lost it. My mojo has completely disappeared. Actually it doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s gone, and I missed the wake. What was told to me that made me finally come to this understanding was that I am “just like one of the girls.” Now, I know there are times when that could be a good thing, but this isn’t the case here. First, the person who said this to me was somebody who a mojo filled me would have been all over from the very first day we met. Second, it wasn’t in the tone of “you’re like one of the girls except for the fact that I want hit that” it was just plain old “you’re just like one of the girls.”

It’s just dead. I used to have a mysterious endearing quality going for me. GONE. I used to be able to charm the pants off of anyone. GONE. I used to have real clever wit GONE (though I can still get away with faking that, but it’s getting harder). It’s all just gone, and now I’m just one of the girls.

So what happened? Why did it all just die? When did it all just die?

I think I can answer that last one right now. The exact moment my mojo was first struck ironically (it’s like rain…) was one of my favorite moments in my recent past. It was a kiss. I mean this kiss, with everything behind it and everything that led up to it, belonged on one of those Dawson’s Creek type shows. The situation was classic. The dialogue was great. There were dramatic pauses, and even a little comedy thrown in. Still, as awesome as the moment was it became the start of a domino effect that would screw me up good. Why? Because unlike any other kiss, or any other touch I’ve had with someone I actually cared about this one. My mojo couldn’t handle this so it just took the blow and laid knocked out on the canvas. What really finished it off though was the actual relationship that this kiss led to.

See this relationship was doomed from the beginning. Why? Because it was too damn easy, and both parties just did not know how to handle that. Actually getting together was difficult, but after the hook up it became way too easy. It was too easy for her to take control, and it was too easy for me to keep falling for her. She couldn't live with that. I can’t live with that. I have to live with challenge. So naturally I made if difficult. How do you go about doing that? By flipping the switch and completely turning into somebody you aren’t, in this case a crazy obsessive ass. And (I’m such a rebel) that, my friends, is absolutely anti-mojo.

Really, it’s that need for complication that ruined everything. A lack of mojo is a very complicated way to live your life, and that’s why I’ve been living without one for so long.

But this has to change now. If I want to achieve my goals, if I want to get to where I want to go, I have to re-establish my mojo.
How do I go about doing that?

Well I’m not entirely sure, but I do know a few things.
I have to accept the fact that some things are just simple and uncomplicated. However, relationships are always going to have a degree of complication to them. It’s a matter of living and dealing with the natural and not forcing a contrived situation.

I must always be true to myself, and whenever I feel like I’m deviating from the person I want to be I need to stop and take a look at what’s going on.

I need to know my role. This is one of those personal theories that I’m working on. Entry on this coming soon.

I need to stop being afraid of offending people with my humor. This never used to be a problem, but somehow mojoless me started worrying about this.

I’d like to grab a hold of that mysterious edge again.

And

I absolutely have to get that charm back.

So it’s off to work. I will get my mojo back. Be cautious. I might just sweep the world off of its feet.

P.S. This girl I wrote about may not exactly agree with what I said about our relationship, but I believe what I said is the truth. Anyway one thing I want to say about her though is she is a great person and after all is innocent therefore not named………..yeah sure I might be covering my ass just in case, you know, something easily complicated came up in the future……………