Crouching Tiger Hidden Cowboy

It’s late and I should probably be in bed. The thing is I have too much to write but not enough words to write with (so forgive me if this doesn’t make sense)…

I was uncomfortable with the thought of having to walk up to the box office at the movie theater and say, “I’ll have one for Brokeback Mountain.” The thing is as “accepting” as I like to think I am there is still that typical hetero male part of me that becomes anxious at the thought of gay intimacy. Thankfully, I was accompanied by two very female individuals who would help me feel more comfortable. Even the cashier said, “You can buy a ticket to another movie and just sneak in.” I bought the ticket for “Brokeback Mountain”.

For all the guys who want to see this movie but are still kind of apprehensive about the gay thing, the very first thing you’d probably like to know is there is some nice Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway boobage to ease your eyes. The second thing you should know, and really the more important thing, is this movie is great.

And of course it got me thinking…

The rest of this is meant for eyes that have seen the film (or eyes that don’t plan on seeing it ever)…

I once wrote that there is no good excuse for two people who are truly in love not to be together. Every reason was bullshit. I wrote that during a time when I wanted to be with someone so badly, and I knew some part of her wanted to be with me, but we just couldn’t get it to work out. I thought that was suffering. I was wrong. As much as that sucked, it was nothing compared to the crap people all over the world have to go through. “Brokeback Mountain” wasn’t a story of gay cowboys. It was a story of two people who were truly in love and because of responsibilities and mostly culture they could not be together. Imagine that. Picture being so in love with a person and instead of silly things like fear of commitment keeping you apart it was the world around you.

So many of us say things like we’d die for love, but none of us are actually faced with that option, and in the end it’s all just talk. We aren’t ever asked to face death for our love, and we are never brought to death because of our love. Still, there are so many people all over the world, straight and gay, who do have to face these things. There are couples everywhere who have to go to Brokeback Mountain to be together because that’s the only safe place. There are people who die because the closed-minded around them can’t (or don’t want to) understand or accept who and how they are and love.

It’s a sad situation that I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand because I probably wont ever be faced with it. When Jack got murdered and Ennis lost him there wasn’t one part of me that wasn’t touched but there wasn’t a part of me that could really get it. Maybe that’s why when people around me (including the two crazy girls to my right) were crying their eyes out I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to review this incredible film. Because…

I don’t know true love.

I don’t know a world that can’t accept my love.

I don’t know how it feels like to be forever separated from the one thing I want by my side (as much as I once thought I did).

What I do realize is…

I have so much to learn.

I have so much left to experience.

And…

There are things that I’ll never have the burden of knowing… I just hope I’ll have the heart to feel for those that do.