One Wound Up Punch Of Intuition

Lays flat my whole take on us

Is there someone you are scared to run into? Here's a little taste of honesty. There is a certain person with whom I fear contact. Whenever I am at a location that this person could likely be I am on high alert. I don't want to bump into this person. I don't have too many fears but damn it I do fear said person. I fear what this person can do to me, because this person has done the worse before. Really, it's not that I don't ever want to see this person. It's not that I don't have a million things to say, a million glances to glance, or a million reaches to reach. It's that this person doesn't. It's that I do. It's that I can't.

One of these days we are bound to run into each other. We'll be cordial. We'll be kind. We'll break apart wishing each other good days. We'll turn and walk away, and steps later I'll turn around to see if there was a turn on her part. I'll be disappointed. It wont last long, but for the next 30 minutes it'll suck. But then again who knows? Maybe it would be great and I'd 'a danced like the king of the eyesores, the rest of our lives would'a fared well.

I Can't Do This All On My Own

Tonight's life lesson by way of Scrubs: The best things in life require work.

Sometimes I wonder if that's just a crock of shit. Maybe the best things in life are the easiest things to get, but we're just too stupid to see it, but then again there is nothing like the feeling of getting something great and knowing you worked your ass off for it. This goes back to the whole "deserve what you know is going to be yours" deal I wrote about in a past entry. No matter how much I try to deny it I always come back to the old adage, because the best things in life always do require work. The best things in life are worth fighting for, and the fight may even be as fulfilling as the outcome.

The Fabric Of Our Lives

I've been doing some research the past couple of days on a very controversial subject. It's amazing to me the extreme stands people take for or against such subjects. Especially towards what I am researching, there seems to be no middle ground. I can't accept this. This cannot be so cut and dry or black and white. This is a very grey subject and for people to claim otherwise is beyond me. As a human being, I refuse to take a stand on this subject, and that's why I'm being so vague right now. I will not fire up debate over this because it is something that just isn't debatable, so specifics are out. There are things that are just too personal, too specific to individuals, to be generalized in political/philosophical debate. That's all.

It's Friday night
and the moon is bright
Gonna have some fun
show you how it's done
TGIF

Wait.....I thought I had something to write about..................Guess not.

I Swallowed A Bug

A friend of mine said something that was right on the money. In order to protect the innocent I'm not going to quote him but the gist of it was that I'm at the age where I'm looking for fun with no commitment. This point was brought up when I expressed my fear towards girls my age who are looking for their "one." The twist, however, is I have a tendency for being more than interested in girls who have been in long term relationships. Why? Because they shouldn't be in long term relationships. I am speaking very generally and I know there are exceptions, but I've gone through the numbers a million times in my head and the results are conclusive; Girls my age should not be bogged down in long term relationships. The thing is, in your early twenties you are just getting to figure yourself out, and if you are in a long term relationship that means you were dating this person when you were a teenager who had no clue who in the world you were. The real problem is, with women especially, it's hard to break free from these relationships. There's this comfort zone that has been built that is just difficult to break away from. And here's another theory of mine that you shouldn't be comfortable; you should be PASSIONATE. Some of you long termers tend to forget that. Where the hell am I going with all this? Anyway, here's the other twist, I had my perfect relationship and screwed it up by wanting more. DUMBASS. Seriously though, that's not going to happen again. The next time a relationship of mine goes wrong it's going to completely be because the girl was a stupid bitch rather than me being a huge ass.

Just so you know, readers, all of this is about 98% talking out of my ass humor and about 12% truth. 110% right?

I hear the drizzle of the rain

like a memory it falls
soft and warm continuing
tapping on my roof and walls - Kathy's Song, SIMON and Garfunkel

I could listen to that song over and over.

p.s. You know why SIMON is in all caps, so don't bother asking.

The Comedy Softens The Fall

You have to see the humor in things if you're planning on keeping your sanity. There is something funny to laugh at even with the most horrible things. So.........hahahahahhahahhahhahahahahahhahaha

Remember To Remember Me Standing Still In Your Past

A little insight into the author of this blog.

I like to divide my life up into years. It helps in the whole over-analyzation of things. That being said last year, 2004, was the best year of my life. It wasn't the most fun. It wasn't the happiest. In fact, it was the hardest year I had ever gone through. It was a year full of frustration and depression. *begin cheesy statement* My heart had been broken *end cheesy statement* Weeks had gone by where I couldn't eat a thing except maybe a half of a chicken sandwich a day. I got financially screwed by a P.O.S. car that I hated. My relationship with my parents went from bad to worse. And more. It was a year in which I realized that I wasn't as cool as I thought I was. So why was it the best year of my life? I grew up last year more than any other. 2004 was the year in which I found myself. It was the year where after much pain I was slapped in the face with the realization that I had become as cool as I thought I was. That's a good year.

I'm not big on regret. When asked, "If you could change anything about the past what would it be?" I answer "Nothing." I believe that where I am is where I'm supposed to be. Everything that has happened in my life, no matter how shitty, has brought me here. To change anything in my past would contradict that. That being said if asked, "Given how crappy the best year of your life was would you change anything about it?" I would answer "yes." I wouldn't change what happened to me, as much as it sucked and still sucks, but I would change how I reacted to things. I hurt people. Friends and family were worried about me, and I hate that. I turned into a dependent asshole when I've always been best independent. I scared away the one thing I thought made sense. So yes I would change something. Anyway, last year was difficult but it was the best. Here's to having better ones that are actually happy.

With that I'll end this with a quote nobody will quite get except maybe the person who said it, "The most important events in my life happen in May." We're a little over a month away. I'm interested.

Random Thoughts II

Why don't we talk like pirates more often?....Do monkeys know that you aren't supposed to throw poo, or do we not know that you are supposed to?...........The Star Wars trailer is hot, and I'm only a casual fan.....When are they going to make Charles In Charge The Movie?......How 'bout you buy me a drink? ........I don't care what you say, Southern California has the hottest women on the earth, for crying out loud, all you have to do is turn your head and you see a gorgeous girl.........Isn't it great when you discover an awesome song hidden in your vast collection of music?.......Young Guns 3, anybody?.............Hello/goodbye.

I Just Don't Know Anymore

I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don't think of you
I keep falling over I keep passing out when I see a face like you

I figured it out. The best way to get in good with a friend's new girlfriend is to act like a complete ass. Not a prick ass, but a goofy ass, not that I don't normally act like a goofy ass, hell that's how I figured it out so easily. The thing is when two people go into a relationship they have to go through the whole meeting the family/family type people (friends) and that can be very nerve racking. So when a guy brings over a newish girl she is mostly looking for the big goofball; the person who can make things a little more light rather than they heavy "let's try to figure this new girl out" seriousness. It's a good service sometimes, being the goofy ass, one that I am proud to take part in, but then again I was never uncomfortable playing the part of quiet contemplative narcissist.

BOOM

It's All Happening

Has there ever been something you knew was yours? Maybe it wasn't at the time, but you knew that eventually you would get it. It's all about patience. It's all about the wait. And it's frustrating as all hell. The thing is it doesn't have to be frustrating. It can, in fact, be very liberating. You have to take the attitude of "this will be mine eventually, in the meanwhile I can concentrate on other things." Take advantage. Focus on the things that aren't quite yours and make yourself that much better. Earn what you are going to get. Be deserving, because that thing that you are positive is going to be yours is going to be the best thing you had ever acquired, and knowing that you deserved every bit of it will make it so much more satisfying.

PYT

Am I the only human being who doesn't give two shakes about the Michael Jackson trial. Come on people!!! This is the same damn thing all over again. We've seen it all before.

And so...

I'm busy.

That's all.

C'mon Baby Now Throw Me a Right to the Chin...

Just one sign now to show me that you give a shit.

There are people out there who like to see others mad. "If they are mad they care." I know that mentality pretty well. It's a little twisted, but some people try so hard to hide their feelings that you only really know that they care about something when they get mad. The trick is sometimes people get mad for different reasons than what you see. For instance, if a girl you've been dating becomes angry at you, because you're not working at the relationship the way she would like you to, it doesn't always mean she's mad because she cares about you. She could very well be upset because she had these screwed up ideas of the way things should be and you not going with them is screwing up her whole plan and messing with her comfort zone. It could have been any other John Doe in your place and she would have been equally irate. Judging people's anger is tricky. Judging people's emotions in general is just downright difficult. It's a task that shouldn't be left to rookies to deal with by themselves. Let the professionals, such as myself, help. We know what we are doing, except of course, when it comes to our own lives.

The Highs and The Lows

This is my chance to survive all of you lies
Distinguish between all the lows and highs
I find
Here’s your chance
Prove to me I was wrong all this time
Telling you reality’s the only way
To find

Do you know what it’s like
To want to touch someone
Hold someone
Protect someone?
Have you ever wanted to buy more presents than you could afford?
Charge it all on your card…
I didn’t think so

Do you know what it's like?
Of course you don’t
That’s sad I hope you will

Huh? What?...Anybody?....Huh?

I'm tired of people putting blame everywhere except where it lies. I saw, on CBS, a promo for 60 Minutes where they were doing a feature on a kid who shot at cops supposedly because he saw it on a video game. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where were the parents? Where were the parents? Where were the parents? Where were the parents? In other words, the damn parents are to blame here, and the idiot kid. There is absolutely no way of getting around that.

I Will Be With You Again

Okay, so maybe I'm not being fair, because I haven't heard the whole album, but Vertigo is just a horrible song, and I'm thinking maybe we should just sit U2 down and thank them for all their greatness but tell them that it's time.......Just keep touring except at prices I can afford.

Do you ever wonder what goes through other people's minds? I mean, I analyze things to death therefore I'm most likely in deeper thought more often than the average bear, but what is the average bear thinking? When I'm thinking "you're a stupid moron and shouldn't be allowed to talk" is the other person thinking "you're probably not understanding or relating to what I'm trying to get across so you're reacting by making harsh judgments about me."

Actually for the most part I feel that I'm pretty in touch with what others are thinking. There are a few in this world that I haven't been able to pick apart yet, and they tend to be the more fascinating.

On that note...

Random Thoughts

Slow Week...............It's going to be at least 2 years before the Lakers return to anything close to an elite team (once we get Yao).....................Do you ever get the feeling that something big is about to happen to change your life?.........................................Am I the only person on the face of this planet who misses hockey?........................Is there anybody on those home makeover/car pimping shows that doesn't say something like "No way this isn't my house(car)!!"...........That reminds me. Black people have the best reactions ever!!!................How much is too much?...........Why did the chicken want to get to the other side? To cross the road..............The End

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