There Are Different Names For The Same Thing

Got to disagree with you. There is no difference between my friend and my girlfriend/boyfriend. All my indicates is that the person is your friend or your boyfriend/girlfriend. If someone says someone is their boyfriend/girlfriend, all they mean is to indicate they are in a relationship with that person, not ownership. The boyfriend/girlfriend is just confusing and impersonal. If a guy seriously said, "This is the girlfriend," it sucks all the life out of the phrase and makes it sound like he doesn't even like the girlfriend. Really, I think your problem..I'm sorry, the problem is something else. No, not fear of relationships. It's a case of being so independent that you don't even like it if someone referred to you as their boyfriend. Final thought:Would you refer to your mom as "my mom" or "the mom" and if you had a child, would you call it "the child", or "my child"?

First off, how dare you make an argumentative comment on my own blog!! This isn't a free world. You're not allowed to have your own opinion. Oh wait yeah it is, and yeah you are. BUT not without me making my case...

There is a difference...a huge difference, between "my friend" and "my girlfriend". Here's the thing...Take an average American couple and bring along one of each of their best friends. Now line these people up except for the dude. Okay. Point to the guy's best friend and ask him who that person is. He'll answer, "John." Then point to the girlfriend and ask who she is. His answer will be something like, "Jane, my girlfriend." I know there's nothing scientific about what I'm saying here but do you honestly think it wouldn't play out something like this? Would he really not throw in "my girlfriend"? I don't think so. Would he say, "my friend"? Noooooooooo way. That's because there is a HUUUUUUGEEEEEEEEEEE difference between "my friend" and "my girlfriend". "My friend", I agree, is simply stating your relationship with that person, but "my girlfriend" is a super statement. There's no way around that. When a person says "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" that person is saying so much more than just stating the relationship, if not then there would be no problem with my little switch to 'the'. My problem is that "more" (I always like it when I quote myself) that's entangled with the "my". It's that possession. Sure, using 'the' might suck the life out of the phrase, but that life is the exact life that I want to suck out. If you're in a relationship that's so heavily based on whether or not you are her boyfriend or if she is your girlfriend, then you should really consider if this relationship is healthy. And honestly, I've been upset when somebody jokingly leaving out the "my boyfriend" in reference to me, and I think that was totally stupid of me (actually I was really jokingly upset but she thought more of it so I kind of took advantage. I even laughed to myself when I got the apology.)

Here's the thing. Why is it you could know someone for ages and that person still refers to "my boyfriend" when speaking about the boyfriend? It's like "Listen, I know the guy. We've met had a few drinks even. Just say his name." It's because the person wants to make it a point that the guy is her boyfriend. She wants to tell everybody "hey there's this dude and he is MY boyfriend."

I don't like what's behind that at all. You can go ahead and attack me for being overly independent but I'll disagree with you until I'm tired of shooting down your arguments. Sure, I'm scared of losing my independence but what is wrong with that? NOTHING. But you know what? I wont lose that sense of independence, because it's so true and strong and built up in me that it's not going anywhere, not for anything and not for anybody. My whole entire life has been building up to this and really I am confident that what I've become (or am becoming) is the guy some chick is going to fall for one day years from now (after I win the bet). And she'll be just as independent as I am. See, as much as I don't want to be someone's I don't want them to be mine. I just want us to just be. Why?

This leads into that certain super cool relationship that I spoke of a few posts ago. In this relationship:

Both members will be totally independently secure in themselves. They are the best people they can be alone or together. They are everything a solid healthy relationship should be because........

They aren't together because they feel they need to be. They're together because they want to be.

Now...Bring on the arguments..........Just remember. I always win.

Oh and I'm totally going to get into the pet names thing because I've recently figured out a few things about that.

Anyway...

I'll Never Be Your Friend

Son of a fucking bitch!!!!! I just finished typing a fan-freaking-tastic post and the damn thing crashes!!!!!!!!!! I hate it when this happens. Now I'm too pissed to re-type it all, but the topic is too big to ignore so I have to just go at it. So the following might be shitty but fuck it and just blame computers for sucking the lives out of us.

Anyway... let's see..........

Eu-freaking-reka (that's how it originally began). That's right I found it. I've expressed before my distaste for the labels 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. Today after hearing someone say, "my boyfriend BLAH BLAH BLAH" (I may have misquoted), I realized what bugs me the most about this. It's the 'my'. I don't like how possessive it is. The person you are in a relationship is not yours. It's one thing to refer to a friend as yours but when the boy or girl comes in front of it there is this whole other meaning. So I got to thinking about any possible solutions for this problem, and it hit me.

Instead of "my girlfriend" let's change it to "the girlfriend".

WHOA!!! Did you see what I did? By switching the 'my' with 'the' I totally solved our little problem. The possession is gone but the heart of the meaning is in tact.

But how do we know the girlfriend you refer to is the person with whom you are in a relationship? What if we want to refer to John's girlfriend?"

It's all about context. That's right. You're actually going to have to listen to the words being said and put them into a proper meaning as it relates to the whole. It's easy. Here are some examples:

"I have to go buy a present. Tomorrow is the girlfriend's birthday."

"John can't make it to watch the game. The girlfriend has him whipped."

"How's the boyfriend doing?"

Doesn't seem too confusing does it? I'm sure there could be instances where it might not be too clear as to who the girl/boyfriend is (especially in writing when it's hard to express varying levels of tone) but just look deeper into the context and you should be able to figure it out. I have faith. This is going to work. In fact, I'm starting the movement right now. Don't be surprised if you start hearing this in effect.........

Oh and it also works for exes. "The ex is a bitch" (By the way don't ever say that. It might come back to bite you in the ass. Keep your bad feelings for the ex private. Trust me.)

I'm Not Going Home

My internet at home is down. Thank god for school. Free computer usage and internet access...and reasonable printing fees (as opposed to Kinkos...49 cents a page...what the hell is that?).

Do you ever have those days where you spend most of the hours in solitude with little to no interaction with other human beings? While this can be very nice a lot of the times, other times it can bore you to living hell.

I spent the past couple days couped up in my room studying. It sucked. By the end of it all I felt like I was trapped within myself because no actual human thoughts or emotions were able to be expressed. I was a freaking robot to the point where information was just being injected in me without any analysis or thought into what that information was. That is very anti-me.

Anyway, I'm busy.....I'm tired..............and I need some sort of social interaction that goes beyond academia (and while we're at it...helping people move).

By the way this is no way implies that I'm anywhere close to losing the bet....if you don't know what I'm talking about it's not really a big deal, but if you want to know try to find the explanation of the bet in the archives. Sorry for being so alienating.

I'll be back with a more general reader based/friendly entry some day soon.

These Tales Well They're Not Meant To But It's Time That We Made Them Come True

Somehow this blog has acquired a relationship based theme. I've become sort of a relationship observationalist and advisor through this thing. I didn't mean for that to happen. My initial intent here was to have a non-specific (some people would call that general) observational theme. I'm not surprised at what happened though. See (I totally wanted to say "the thing is") I'm the sort of person who wants to change the world, and one of the biggest problems I see that needs change is the relationship.

I sort of have this highly standardized idea of what a relationship should be. Some people might call it unrealistic. I don't think that's true. I know this relationship exists in the world. I don't see it often, but I know it exists. I would describe it but the English language hasn't given me enough words.

Anyway I got a couple of big topics brewing in me that will soon make it here. Yes, they have something to do with relationships. In the meantime, if you'd like to humor me, think about the following statement and tell me what you think:

"Love conquers all"

I Hated Being Fucking Patient

WARNING: A lot of my observations in the next little while may very well have something to do with school since that is the major part of my life these days.

I can't understand registering for a class with your girlfriend/boyfriend (I still dislike those words). To me the college classroom is a haven for independence and identity. It is a place where you can go in and soak in knowledge to your desire. It is a place where you are safe to have your own opinion, that's right, YOUR own opinion. I just can't get why you'd want to ruin that by purposefully signing up for a class with someone who you are involved with. College education is something, if you are doing it right, that is all about you. It is your mind you are trying to strengthen by going to school. It is your life you are trying to make better. This isn't something you dive in with a companion. Anyone you are "with" is nothing but support.

This all goes double for actually attending a university just because the other is. That's a whole other beast for a whole other entry.

What if you want to date someone you have a class with?

See, that is totally different. You've gone into the class with your independence. You have your identity, and so has that other person. You didn't go into the class to take it with this person, he/she just happens to be there. You are still in that class for the purpose of being in that class, there's just an added bonus. Just be prepared for some awesome awkwardness when things don't exactly work out.

Anyway...

And When She Sees Me I Can't Lose

I love it when I do this. Just posted something minutes ago and realized I had something to add, but rather than just add it to that entry I figure might as well just start a new one.

So I talked about those couples. The annoying ones. One thing I think is common within these couples that I can't stand is that most of them have probably been together since high school, and we all know what I think about that.

Just in case you needed a reminder, or if you just happen upon this thing and have no idea what I am talking about I strongly discourage people in the teens and early twenties to be in long term relationships for multiple reasons, the biggest being that you couldn't possibly know yourself enough to know who you want to be with. Of course, I know there are exceptions and I'm just speaking generally.

THE THING IS these stone faced couples I talked about in my last entry totally support my beliefs. Think about how easy it is for individuals of both genders, in their own different ways, to get trapped into stupid relationships due to their insecurities at that age. Then comes to zombie "going through the motions" like intimacy.

"But I know so many couples who met when they were in high school."

Do you really? "So many?" I doubt it. You might know some. But not "so many".

I MIGHT know one. ONE. Out of all the couples I've known or known of there's only ONE that might be successful. That's not so many.

The OTHER THING is if you are so susceptible to stay in a relationship with someone from youth, wouldn't it be reasonable to deduce that you are also inclined to stay teenage stupid for a damn long time? Because seriously it's hard to believe, and I hate to burst so many bubbles, that you really grew without growing apart from somebody you hooked up with at 17.

I don't know. I feel like I'm being a cynical ass about all this but it's just hard for me to wrap my logical head around the idea of "high school sweethearts" or anything along that line.

Oh well.

These Days I Can't Lose

Recently I decided, after 2+ years of taking a "break", to go back to school. Currently I am attending one of the local community colleges and while walking through the campus I have been observing a few things.

What is with these couples that look like death. You know, the guy and the girl walking by with hands clasped together and almost no expression on either of their faces. There is no sign of life in these kids. They just don't look happy together, especially the males. It's not exactly like those "going through the motions" type couples, but it's somewhat similar. What bothers me the most about these couple is that the guy has that little certain color about him. He's one of those guys who is too cool to be happy, but he'll hold his girlfriend tight towards him because fuck you if you think you are going to get close to her, and fuck her if she thinks she's getting away. He's a stuck up little shit who can't let go of anything and she's an insecure girl who just wants to be held. His happiness is what matters. He could never be wrong.

I just wish these guys would lighten up already. The world isn't out to screw your girlfriend. If you can't hold your girlfriend's hand without a smile there is just something fucking wrong there. Hell, you don't have to smile. Just put some fucking life into your face. Stop looking so damn dead.

And to the girls on the other end of that hand clasp, put some damn life into your faces too. Stop looking like you're tired of this guy dragging you around. If you are tired of it LEAVE. It's that fucking easy. "But it's so much more complicated than that." No it isn't . If you're not happy in a relationship just fucking leave. TIME has nothing to do with it. Do not stay in a relationship because of its familiarity.

Seriously these couples annoy the shit out of me. BREAK THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

One positive here is most of these couples are young and hopefully will grow to realize what bullshit all that is.

On that note... I watched a couple break up today. The girl was breaking up with the guy and he was playing the depressed card. This reminded me...

If I had to give advice to someone on how to handle being dumped, it would be to not play the depressed card. It's easy to do because, well, you probably are depressed, but screw it. ACT if you have to, but you shouldn't have to. The thing is (has anyone noticed how often I use "the thing is"?) if someone is breaking up with you then logically you shouldn't be in that relationship. Don't make yourself look bad, and more importantly if you care about this person and she feels like she needs to move on you should not be so self-centered to want to stand in her way. There is something to be said about a person who can take a breakup well. Be that person. You will be rewarded. I guarantee it or your mattress is freeeeeeeeeeee.

P.S. This entry sucks!!!!