Change Your Mind Tonight

Welcome to (semi) Random Thoughts El Grande Edition. Unlike past random thoughts these are not being thought up as I type, however like past editions the elaborations are. By the way, Rated R.

Why is it you see more hot females with ugly loser dorks than you see decent looking guys with not so good-looking girls? I have a few thoughts. First is, well there’s just a lot more freaking hooooottttttttt chicks than there are decent dudes, so for women there isn’t much to choose from. Now I know there’s going to be females who claim that looks are just not as important to them as they are to men, but I think that may only be true on a very small degree. Anyway, I also think that it may have to do with confidence. Women tend to be a little more on the insecure side so they may be more prone to go for a guy who isn’t up to par. Guys tend to think highly of themselves and will go for someone who at least equals what they think they are……….Cell phones have sort of started a trend in size. Everybody digs small things; mini cameras, small laptops, tiny post it notes, ipod nanos, small things everywhere, well I guess chicks still dig big dick (and some guys too, not that there’s anything wrong with that…fags…no, I kid…I have nothing against the gays), which now that I think of it is sort of interesting, because guys really aren’t as into boob size as chicks are to dick size. I mean don’t get me wrong, if you were to give me the option of two chicks who were identical in everyway except for boob size, I’d pick the one with the bigger knockers, but for the most part tit size is not going to be factor in a chick’s hotness. In fact, small tits can be pretty nice too, you know, the ones that like to pop up and say, “hey I’m a small tit” I think we call these “perky.” I guess that sort of falls in the category of this trend. …..The Angels will win it all next season. We will get another bat, our pitching will be back to its usual dominance, and they’re the freaking Angels. ……I had more to say, but realized they deserved their own not so random post.

P.S. It's not about the size of the ass, it's the shape baby.

Teach Your Children Well

Remember the National Geographic theme music? Is there a better theme for an educational program out there? I think not!! I mean as soon as you hear it, no matter what you are doing or where your head is at that particular moment, you instantly become ready to learn something.

So I was reading an article about how The Parent Television Council, who waste their time rating TV programs' "family friendliness," suck. Well that's not really what the article was about, but that's what I concluded. Anyway, my favorite part was the following:

Bozell said the group couldn't even come up with 10 prime-time shows it would recommend for family viewing. Its list stops at nine.

Am I the only one who thinks you shouldn't even find 9 family viewable shows on TV. I mean if we are going to get "stick up our asses" about this (who the fuck am I quoting?) we really should be saying, "families should not be watching TV together." Really. In the lists of family activities "watch television" should not be on there.

But that's not even really the point...Is it?

I guess all I really have to say is: If you baby your kids they will act like babies. Let them fucking watch shit, and if they can't deal with it show them how, and if you can't deal with it you shouldn't have had kids. Don't apply a false sense of innocence through your child's ignorance. IGNORANCE IS NOT INNOCENCE. Teach your kids how to be well-rounded individuals.

He Was Out

I think it's pretty safe to say that I was more than pissed off at the what happened last night in the Angels-ChiSox game. Before we talk about how stupid the call was I want to get into what the Angels did wrong.

Leave it up to Mike Scioscia to play the post-game perfectly. As any true sports fan knows, winners don't let bad calls determine the outcome of a game, and so Mike called it perfectly saying that the Angels didn't play well enough to win. The very first thing that was wrong with the play that put the winning run on first base, was that a Molina wasn't catching. In a playoff game, with the score tied at one in the 9th, there is just no excuse to have Josh Paul catching Kelvim Escobar. Ozzie Guillen knew this. A.J. Pierzynski knew this. I question the need to pinch run for Jose Molina in the first place. This is a guy who was the running scorer on a perfectly executed squeeze by the Angels some nights ago. He's not fast, but he's not Bengie. Anyway, if you want to pinch run for him, there's no reason to not move Bengie over to catch from the DH spot. It was a poor choice by Sciosh. Bengie, trying to stick up for his teammate, said that he would never tag a player if he knew he caught the ball. I know he's trying to be good teammate, but I've seen so many times when Bengie unnecessarily tagged the batter after the third strike. It's almost a habit of his, a good one too.

The ChiSox took complete advantage of a shaken up Angels, or a shaken up Angels third-string catcher, by stealing second and putting the game winner in scoring position. Do you think they would have stole that base with Bengie catching? They might, but they would think long and hard before they did. You just knew, with Paul out there. second was theirs for the taking.

As for the umps. I hope Eddings lost sleep over that, because it was just poor officiating by him and the rest of the staff even. What bothers me the most is that after they looked at the tapes (post-game) they still stood by their call. I saw the footage over and over and I guess I'm missing the part where the ball hits the ground. "There was a definite change in direction." Umm....yeah, from one point of the glove to another. THE BALL WAS CLEARLY CAUGHT, and if you argue otherwise you are just being stupid.

Oh well. Here's to a home sweep!!!

I'd Love To Turn You On

7:40 AM - Alarm clock goes off. I smash down on the snooze button

7:50 AM - Second alarm. I wake up and get in the shower.

9:06 AM - Late to work. I hate traffic!!! In the parking garage at work some lady walking yells at me to slow down. I'd like to apologize to her for going a little fast and not coming close to causing any accidents. Maybe she would had rather me drive slow and hit her instead. Who knows?

10:15 AM - Second cup of coffee. I'm tired. My right eyelid keeps twitching. It has been for days.

11:00 AM - I need a new goalie for my hockey fantasy team..... Done.

2:20 PM - Time for lunch break aka study for test break. I'm tired

3:45 PM - My nose wont stop running.

4:00 PM - Time to find a good source for NHL scores.

4:45 PM - Forsberg has an assist. Good news for my fantasy team.

5:10 PM - My nose just can't stop running.

5:30 PM - Off from work. Time for school.

6:30 PM - Damn it, does she really have to give a lecture before the test?

6:35 PM - Text message from Foolio: Ducks up 3 - 1. Lupul 2 goals. Teemu 1

7:00 PM - Angels v Yankees game 2 begins. I'm trapped in class.

7:45 PM - Been getting text messages from Verizon with updates but have to call Gator for more detail during the break before the test. Yankees 2-0.

8:00 PM - Start test.

8:25 PM - I'm one of the first done. I run to my car to turn on the radio which is already set to the game.

8:30 PM - Call up Gator to set up a place to watch the rest of the game.

8:40 PM - In the car on my way to Champs. Juan Rivera homers to put the Angels on the board. I'm freaking out on the 405.

8:50 PM - That new parking garage at the Spectrum is awesome. It's much bigger than the other, and very accessible.

9:10 PM - 2 Outs Cabrera is on, Molina is up...................Tied freaking game. Spilt beer on the table from the excitement.

9:30 PM - Two runners in scoring position. Chone Figgins just hit a shallow pop, not enough time to tag up and score the run. Cabrera is up. BOOM long ball center field finds a hole. Angels 4-2!!!!

9:40 - K Escobar is solid. SOLID

9:50 - Solo shot by Bengie!!!!!!!!!!!!! Angels 5-2

10:00 - K-Rod gives up a lead off homer. Uh Oh

10:10 - Liner to Figgins who snaps it to Erstad who scoops it like the freaking amazing defender he is. Light up the halo Angels 5-3. Series tied at 1. Friday night at Yankees Stadium. Johnson vs. Byrd. By the way, my nose isn't running anymore. GO ANGELS!!!!!!!

When You're Sliding Into First And You Feel Something Burst

I just received an email from somebody who will remain nameless. This is what happens when you don't have a fully functioning toilet (please do not continue reading if you don't appreciate good toilet humor):


I woke up this morning about 4 am with incredible stomach pains. It's
happened before so I knew exactly what it was. I tried my best to stick it
out and wait until in the morning to deal with it. But after about 5 min I
knew the pains weren't going away anytime soon. I had to deal with it and
there was only one way. I had to poo. I went to the bathroom and
fashioned a makeshift seat out of towels. Trying my best to not place the
towel where it could fall in (I didn't want the glorious job of fishing that
out of the bowl before or after the job was done) I sat there precariously
until I let the loudest fart I think has ever been known to man. Even the
trumpets at Jericho couldn't touch this bad daddy. Then it came, like
someone had shoved a hose down my throat till it came out the other end at
full speed. In 15 seconds flat I was done. Completely exhausted because
of the time and the events surrounding I turned on the water, flushed
twice, turned the water off again, then went to bed.
All of that to say, I think Ill go get a new toilet tonight.

HA!!! I can't stop laughing.