Culminated Ruins Domino

So I've come to the conclusion that I like being miserable. Why is this? Obviously it's the only way I really feel alive. Otherwise I'm just a shell of a human being numb to everything. Misery gives you feeling. For years of my life I went without feeling, mostly as a way to protect myself from all the crap that was going on, but now I like to feel, to have emotions even if it's bad. On that note, here's lyrics to a song I wrote, or am writing that I think are some of the best I've written in a very long time, although who knows?:

In The Past Anyway

Fights, excuses, lies and lust
and I am still swimming in you
I believed you when you smiled
A precious sense of anything
and I’m everything below

Names, people and their lies
We are still a mystery
You and the memories just clash
But you told me more than I could take in
without wanting more

I break down on myself
I wish I had you to blame
but the ease of life hasn’t shown itself
and we worked better apart

In the past anyway
I had no right chasing a dream
Fights, excuses, lies and everything
I just want to know when you’re coming back