Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Not you...me

If I were good enough then, I would have packed up my car, left the old life behind, and took away the one obstacle that kept us apart. I wasn't good enough then and now you're happy. That's all that matters.

If I were good enough now I wouldn't be retreating. I'd fight until you knew that I was better than the rest, but I'm not better the rest. I'm the worst of the bunch. And now you're confused. It's partly my fault. I'm sorry. That's all I have.

If I become good enough it'll shock me. Because despite what anyone says, I've never shown that I could be, only that I could fake it. I'm so tired of faking it. It's exhausting. And after all this, if I become good enough, will anyone believe it?

Friday, April 26, 2013

I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write.

Thursday, March 07, 2013

If Your Lost You Can Look and You Will Find Me

We all play different roles for different people in our lives. Perhaps one of the most frustrating things to deal with is when you don't know what role it is you need to play for a certain person.

For a lot of the people in my life I play somewhat of an authority figure. This is probably due largely to the fact that I was actually the boss of a lot of these people, and also partly because I do have leadership qualities in me.

This is not to say I'm a nagging asshole. In fact, I'm more of an overseer. I don't want to stop people from making mistakes. You learn from mistakes. And that is certainly where I'll step in. Because, I refuse to let people I care about come away from their mistakes with nothing.

I also tend to be a pusher. That is, when someone tells me they want something, I tell them to go get it. This is especially true (and frustrating) when the thing they want is right there just waiting to be grabbed.

I've spent a lot of time recently agonizing over what my role was for a specific person. Let me tell you. Last night when I finally figured out that it was exactly this common role I play that she needs from me, I was super relieved. Like a boy trying to watch through the scramble of the porn channel and then finally discovering the internet. While this wasn't really the role I wanted to play originally. Well, it's just nice to know what I'm supposed to do.

Know your role. It'll set you free.


Wednesday, March 06, 2013

The Only Way You Could Meet My Crazy...

Like 99.9% of all Americans (and 100% of all males) I'm completely on board the Jennifer Lawrence bandwagon. Really, how could you not be? She's absolutely gorgeous, she's loaded with talent, and she probably has the quickest wit we've seen from a celebrity in a while, especially from one so young. A friend of mine recently asked me if I thought her PR people stress out every time she opens her mouth for fear that she might say something a little too ridiculous. My response? They probably have one of the easiest jobs in the world. "Hey Jen, um, just be you. That's all." She's just way too charming to worry about. All this to say, yes, one of reasons I liked Silver Linings Playbook so much was because of her. She was great in the film, but SLP hit me hard for other reason.

While I was watching SLP the thought that kept coming to my mind along with a wry smile was, "Holy crap I know these people." This is exactly why I loved the film so much. Unlike most of the Oscar nominated films, the characters in SLP were not larger than life. They weren't one of the most revered Presidents in US history. They weren't super strong willed agents of the CIA. They were the nutty people we know. They were the crazy people some of us are.

If you haven't had the conversation about your history with meds, you must have been in the room when the conversation was happening. If you haven't been stubbornly holding on to someone who doesn't deserve your love, you might have been the object of that love. If you haven't been in love with someone who was stubbornly holding on to someone else, you could have been the friend who was wondering why your good friend wasn't just moving on.

Yes, the characters of SLP were not your typical RomCom characters. But I promise you they were real. I know them. You know them. And this is why I loved the movie so much. It reminded me that we all have stories. It reminded me that we are all living in stories. It made me realize that no matter how boring, common, or even unusual we think our lives might be, there is something there that can be put on the big screen.

You are living a movie. Play your part well, and maybe you'll end up sitting in a chair surrounded by loved ones and holding the one you love.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Guess Who's Back

Just for fun I thought I'd check out the stats for this blog. To my surprise this thing still gets a decent handful of views. Not only that, people are still commenting on these super old posts. Not spammy comments either, but totally legit comments. I guess what people say is true. You put enough content out there people are going to find it. So I'm thinking I have to put even more content out there. Here we go.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Raising Expectations

During my drive to Orange County last Thursday I was faced with the daunting task of figuring out what exactly it was I wanted to listen to. After several minutes of struggling I finally came upon Animal Collective's latest LP Merriweather Post Pavilion. The album released late in January 2009, leaked via the internet weeks earlier, and featured songs the band had been playing live since 2007. In other words, everyone in the world of music snobbery had anticipated Merriweather Post Pavilion and had expected it to be good. Before my drive I had listened to the album only a handful of times. I liked it and thought it was excellent, but it was not until I sat in my blue Honda barreling up Interstate 5 at over 80 MPH with the music pumping through the car speakers that I really paid the right amount attention to the album and what I discovered shocked me. Merriweather Post Pavilion was neither good nor excellent. It is one of the best albums of my lifetime.

The purpose of this trek to my home county of Orange was to attend and be a part of my best friend's wedding which took place this past Saturday. I had the honor of being a best man to the groom which also meant I had the privilege of giving a toast in front of the large group of people who came to celebrate this occasion with the happy couple. While my speech was very well received, it was the words of the Maid of Honor that stuck with me more than any others.

"When Gigi [the bride] and I were young," the Maid of Honor said smiling while at the same time trying her best to hold back the tears. "She would always talk about this man she was going to marry." The Maid of Honor then listed off the seemingly impossible characteristics of this man the bride in her youth yearned to find. She continued, "I asked Gigi, 'Where in the world are you going to find this man and does he have a brother?'" The crowd gave a roar of laughter before the Maid of Honor explained that the bride had indeed found that impossible man in the groom, not before assuring her significant other that she no longer is looking for the brother. That the sentiment of the Maid of Honor’s toast induced a storm of reflection within me was no surprise.

“You two would never work,” a friend said to me recently about myself and a girl I, once upon a time, was very interested in. “You’re too similar in a bad way. You both set impossibly high standards that nobody could ever live up to.” This was not the first time my friend criticized me for my “impossibly high standards” and he is not the first person to do so. Even I have given myself a hard time for this. However, I have come to the conclusion that having such high expectations isn’t necessarily a path towards unfulfillment, and the pros of having impossible standards definitely outweigh the cons of settling for something that does not exactly fit your desires.

When bands and artists have expectations thrust upon them by fans and critics the chance that they produce failure rises exponentially (Rivers Cuomo?), but there are those who not only live up to these raised expectations, they exceed them. Animal Collective killed the expectations with Merriweather Post Pavilion. This only happens when the bands own standards are just as impossibly high or higher than everyone else’s. MPP wouldn’t be nearly as good as it is if Animal Collective went into recording with the mindset that they had to be “realistic” about the goals they wanted to set for this album. Animal Collective wanted to make the best album they could possibly make. They took the time to master their songs, and when they did they put them together and formed what will be number one on all those crazy best of lists at the end of the year.

There’s no reason not to have this same mindset in any aspect of your life, especially in regards to a romantic partner. Gigi had ridiculous expectations regarding the man she would ultimately marry. Those expectations were met, and, in the opinion of one of the guy‘s best friends (and I‘m willing to bet in her opinion too), exceeded. If she hadn’t been so picky she’d most likely end up settling for someone with whom she’d never truly be happy, but that’s not the case. She found her man, because impossible standards are possible.

This past weekend, in discovering the absolute excellence of Merriweather Post Pavilion and in hearing a touching toast from a beautiful bride’s maid of honor, I was given the reassurance that my friend is wrong to criticize me, because greatness comes from raising expectations, and we should always only want the great.

Before I go I want to make one more quick tie between Merriweather Post Pavilion and my friends’ wedding.

MPP is considered by most to be the more mature side of Animal Collective in sound, and especially with lyrics such as, “I don’t mean to seem like I care about material things like a social status. I just want four walls and adobe slabs for my girls.” Much of the themes of MPP touch on prioritizing the more important things in life such as taking care of ones family.

When the groom was finally able to kiss the bride this past Saturday afternoon I was reminded of what marriage means to me. I have always seen it as another step to getting old, and, well, it is.

MPP and my friends’ marriage all point to the inevitableness that is growing old, but both do so in a way that is not as scary as it was before. Because if getting old sounds as kick ass as Merriweather Post Pavilion sounds, if it puts that certain smile on my face that would not leave my friends on their wedding day, then why the hell not? Maybe it is time to get a little old. I’m ready.

Standout Merriweather Post Pavilion Tracks: All of them, but if you’re going to be like that:

My Girls
Guys Eyes
Brother Sport
oh just listen to the whole thing.

NOTE: This is unedited. Forgive me.

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Random Thoughts: I'm Almost Done With College Edition

I like to play N'sync's records really loud and do the dance moves on top of my bed. I've built a contraption that flings panties up to me so I really feel like one of the boys.....not Lance.......Thanks to Gwen's Stefani's Hollerback Girl I finally learned how to spell bananas....B-A-N-A-N-A-S.......Playing hard-to-get just doesn't work for guys the way it does for girls........and opening with "I'm a boderline alcoholic with an unbending commitment phobia" usually doesn't produce good results......usually.........I had my palm read the other day. The lady said, "you are very lonely." I asked her how she knew. She said, "All the lines are rubbed off." ..........Graduating college right smack dab in the middle of one of the worst economic meltdowns ever isn't exactly as exciting as you'd think it'd be........I once broke my leg in a tragic kite flying accident....I still shake at the sight of long string......Is it just me or are children's shows really creepy?.......